The Dumbest Google Searches Of All Time

Learn how silly google searches can help your website's SEO.
November 20, 2012

People like to blow off steam in different ways—hit the weight room, go for a run, watch a movie. For me, when I am feeling like a total heel and just did something really stupid, I make myself feel better by showing myself I am not the only dummy on this planet. I Google stupid questions people ask on Google and then answer them, or try to understand why they asked them. For instance, here are some of my all time favorite dumbest Google searches:

Is there really a bacon shortage predicted for 2013?
So I heard, but just wanted to make sure. There’s not.

Best Halloween costume ever made from beer cans
There’s recycling, then there’s recycling.

Are there plans to make The People of WalMart a reality show, and if so, how can I be a contestant?
Andy Warhol said it best, “EVERYONE will get their 15 minutes of fame.” Why not get it at Walmart. We get everything else there.

Do inflatable dolls count as passengers in the HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lane?
Just asking. There’s got to be a family-friendly reason people own these things right?

Which smells worse, dog, cat or human urine?
In the scheme of things, does it really matter?

Where do lost socks go when they go missing?
Millions of socks go missing every year. I want to know where the bodies are buried, but more importantly who buries them.

What kind of pigs eat people?
Does this mean bacon from vegan pigs tastes different than bacon from carnivorous pigs?

What are the best investment opportunities in Nigeria?
I heard they have their own version of the Brooklyn Bridge for sale.

How long does it take to drown an ant?
Probably 800 times longer than it takes to just squash it.

What are the 10 stupidest baby names?
As long as my name’s not on the list, I don’t care.

What do dead rats smell like?

Can cow saliva cure baldness?
I missed the myth busters episode on this one.

What is a magical way to gain weight?
Just offhand I’d say there’s nothing magical about gaining it. I understand it takes something close to magic to LOSE it however.

What is the medical term for when all of your arteries and veins are totally clogged with fat?
I believe that’s called “dead.”

What’s the best trick to train your dog to do?
That’s a no brainer. Find the remote of course.

How many people have dropped their cell phone in the toilet?
According to Microsoft, about one in five, or 20 percent of us. So many have dropped their phone in the toilet, there’s even a FaceBook page for it.

At first glance you’d think these are crazy questions right? But they’re not. The one thing all these searches have in common is that people want answers. Answers are solutions and if they want answers they’re probably ready to buy a solution if you have one.

Your customers may not be thinking logically to you, but they’re crazy as foxes. Not every customer Googling “duct tape” wants to repair a busted pipe. Every spring thousands, maybe millions, of teen-agers Google “duct tape prom dresses” and “duct tape tuxedos.” They’re not just making stiff, plastic uncomfortable prom wear, they’re competing to win a college scholarship for making the coolest prom outfit from duct tape. If you’re a hardware store and you sell duct tape, do you have “prom dress” or “tuxedo” in your SEO? Maybe you should.

Stuff like these questions are incredibly helpful for business SEO. Ask your customer what your product reminds them of, or how they would describe it if they didn’t know what it was.

Admittedly some people Google strange stuff because they’re just passing time. But some like to do crazy searches because they don’t know what they’re looking for, so they’re Googling what a solution might look like. So why not have them find you because you think like them?  You know. A little bit crazy.

Mike Michalowicz is the CEO of Provendus Group, a business growth consulting agency that helps companies whose growth has plateaued to move forward again. Michalowicz is the author of The Pumpkin Plan and The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur and is a nationally recognized speaker on entrepreneurial topics. His popular small business blog shares strategies and techniques for entrepreneurs. 

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